Handling Difficult People: Is Your "Difficult" Person Actually You?

Handling Difficult People: 👩👨

Is Your "Difficult" Person Actually You?🤔

Introduction:

To fully understand another person, we have to evaluate ourselves first in the process. 

1. What makes our character?
2. Do we realize our effect on another person's attitude?
3. Do we bring good vibes to other people?
4. Can we change our attitude and behavior?

I will share with you insightful and essential information that I have learned from a training I attended in 2008. Please note that I have not read the book (this is not a book review). I researched and compiled all the facts in this blog article.

Book: "Spirit Controlled Temperament"

Author: Tim LaHaye

Timothy Francis LaHaye was an American Baptist evangelical Christian minister who wrote over 85 fiction and non-fiction books, including the "Left Behind" series of apocalyptic fiction, which he co-authored with Jenny B. Jenkins. (Source: Wikipedia)

According to Tim LaHaye, the author of the book "Spirit Controlled Temperament". We are born with these three traits: temperament, character, and personality. 

Definitions: (Source: Spirit Controlled Temperament by Tim LaHaye)

• Temperament = a combination of inborn traits or inherited traits, passed on by our genes or based on hereditary factors, that subconsciously affects all our behavior.

• Character = the hidden person of the heart, the "real" you, or the "soul" of the person, made up of the mind, emotions, and will. It results from a natural and civilized temperament modified by childhood training, education, basic attitudes, beliefs, principles, and motivations.

• Personality = outward expression of oneself, which may or may not be the same as a person's character. Often, it is the pleasing facade for an unpleasant or weak character. 

If we read these definitions carefully, a person has a hidden character and an outward personality, aside from the temperament, which is a combination of inborn or inherited traits. 

We will also come up with different perspectives on why some people are sometimes difficult to handle, not only in the workplace but sadly also at home. 

Let us focus on the four temperaments.

The 4 Temperaments: 💗🖤💛💚

(Source: Spirit Controlled Temperament by Tim LaHaye)

Let's begin to understand the four types of temperaments:

1.  SANGUINE  (red)
2.  MELANCHOLY (black)
3.  CHOLERIC (yellow) 
4.  PHLEGMATIC (green) 

The 4 temperaments have certain personality traits.  ( Buckingham, 2002 )

1.  A Popular Sanguine is cheerful, social, and optimistic (associated with air)
2.  A Perfect Melancholic is analytical, gloomy, and quiet (associated with earth)
3.  A Powerful Choleric is short-tempered and irritable (associated with fire)
4.  A Peaceful Phlegmatic is emotional, relaxed, and peaceful (associated with water)

Let us now investigate each temperament: (Self-assessment is the key.)

Popular Sanguine

1.) Popular SANGUINES 💗

• Strengths: optimistic, friendly, and compassionate

• Weaknesses: restless, egotistical, and emotionally unstable

• Emotional Needs: attention, affection, approval, and acceptance

• Likes: people who listen and laugh, praise, and approve

• Dislikes: people who criticize and don't respond to humor

• Work value: colorful, creative, optimistic, entertaining, and cheering up others

• Need to improve: be organized, and avoid talking too much

• As leaders, they excite, persuade, and inspire others, but are sometimes forgetful

• Stress reaction: leave the scene, go shopping, create excuses, or blame others

• They can be recognized by their constant talking, loud volume, bright eyes, moving hands, colorful expressions, enthusiasm, and ability to mix easily. 

Perfect Melancholy

2.) Perfect MELANCHOLIC 🖤

• Strengths: sensitive, perfectionist, faithful friend, and self-sacrificing

• Weaknesses: self-centered, pessimistic, moody, and revengeful

• Emotional Needs: a sense of stability, space, silence, sensitivity, and support

• Likes: people who are intellectual, serious, deep, and will carry on a sensible conversation

• Dislikes: people who are forgetful, disorganized, superficial, and unpredictable

• Work value: detail-conscious, analytic, and follows high standards

• Need to improve: not take life too seriously, or not insist on being always perfect

• As leaders, they are sensitive to feelings, well-organized, have deep creativity, and quality 

• Stress reaction: Back out, read a book, give up, or become depressed

• They can be recognized by being serious, sensitive, well-mannered, meticulous, and well-groomed

Powerful Choleric

3.) Powerful CHOLERIC 💛

• Strengths: strong-willed, practical, a leader, and optimistic

• Weaknesses: hot-tempered, cruel, impetuous, and self-sufficient

• Emotional Needs: a sense of obedience, credit for ability, and appreciation for work

• Likes: people who are supportive and submissive, cooperative, and let them take the credit

• Dislikes: people who are lazy, not interested, and disloyal

• Work value: accomplish more than anyone else in a shorter time, and is usually right

• Need to improve: be more patient and delegate authority

• As leaders, they are always in charge, have a sincere belief in their abilities, and have a quick sense of what will work

• Stress reaction: works harder, exercises more, and gets rid of the offender

• They can be recognized by a fast-moving approach, self-confidence, restlessness, and overpowering

Peaceful Phlegmatic

4.) Peaceful PHLEGMATIC 💚

• Strengths: witty, dependable, and efficient

• Weaknesses: indecisive, slow and lazy, selfish and stubborn

• Emotional Needs: understanding, a sense of respect, that feeling of worth, and emotional support

• Likes: people who will decide for them, recognize their strengths, and respect them

• Dislikes: people who are too loud, too pushy, and expect too much of them

• Work value: cooperative, calming influence, mediate, keep the peace, and objective

• Need to improve: become self-motivated and set goals, willing to do more

• As leaders, they are calm, cool, collected, well-liked, and won't cause trouble

• Stress reaction: hide, watch TV, eat, and tune out

• They can be recognized by a calm approach, relaxed posture, and usually sitting or leaning

Conclusion:

After reading about the differences between each temperament, we can finally answer the four questions in the introduction above. ☝ 

1. Our character results from our childhood experiences, beliefs, and training.
2. We might not know our effect on another person, but sometimes it can also be intentional. 
3. Some traits can bring good vibes, but on a moderate level.
4. This last question depends on us. If we want to change for the better.

Understanding one another's temperament enables us to be patient and kind, thereby avoiding conflicts. 

2023 has come to a close; let us re-evaluate ourselves for this new year. 

On a lighter note, let me wish you a "Happy New Year!" 

Welcoming the year 2024 with a better version of ourselves.  

Now that we have assessed ourselves by investigating the four Spirit Controlled Temperaments, which temperament are you? 🤔 

Let us be honest and kindly comment below. 👇 

Note: 

I have compiled and researched this blog article and included my opinions or perspectives as a part of my interest in human behavior.